Thread:Roxasofmalice/@comment-24971427-20140717094830/@comment-10483040-20140725215533


 * Pulls out my grammer Nazi Hat*

Where do i begin.......

FIRST

Said shouldnt be capitalized and the apples for sale should be connected with the said sentence

You didnt put the bubble `` `` around his next sentence and did not say who it was.

But then connects a sentence not starts one

He said with Great what? did he have great Glockensphiel?

The starting monolouge of our hero is so confusing i dont understand if its a internal monolouge, the idiots talking to himself. And another thing is that OWWWWAHHHH needs to be farther from it and FIX THAT MONOLOUGE

also insteaad of had just had how about Was hit with  an apple?

And connect that statement and the next statement revealing the thrower by shwoing he looked at the direction of being thrown

and then.....You got better after a while  for a bit UNTILLLLLLLL

U should be you

and what the hell is with the Randon V

also If you dont like calling her Rosalina, Her nickname is Raven. Thats why i put that there.

Thats about it