Thread:Dreamergirl3000/@comment-24019770-20141019024140/@comment-25144755-20141109021738

Ok, she's a spy for the good side posted on the bad side (and just a reminder, she's a female barn owl), and her hissiatsu also has something to do with light, but in a different way. She can make it bend around her and make her invisible. She also controls wind and stuff like that. So she's a silent and invisible predator of the night. Also, her weapons are metal talons on her normal talons, and they are SHARP! Her nickname is still Gryph, and also, i loved your story, but there is 1 minor thing.

If you don't really focus on the moments, make the reader realise what's going on, the story will become a blur. It's ok if your chapters and paragraphs get longer, just make the reader feel what your trying to depict, like the death of Gin. It would have been better if you had made Isamu think about every character he knew that had been killed, like a realization. Exploding the moment, that's what they call it.

Hope i helped, Card-sama. Good day to you. :)